the little joy getting bigger

Long gone has the habit of regularly penning down my heart felt words ..I sit today on October 27th of 2008 ,probably after a long long gap of time to pen down few thoughts randomly disuading my brain.It snowed the first time today for this year and Isha and I watched the first snowfall not only of this year but also the first snow fall which Isha could feel and understand...ofcourse this is the second winter for her but it is now that she understands what is different than regular.

Isha has turned into a beautiful butterfly with the course of time and learning about nature...within no time who will be ready to fly to its dear flower......and I will be left alone again .....!!but this time not as alone as I was before she was born. Now I certainly will have the beautiful memories of hers and all that she did and didnot .Every good thing in life reminds me of a time when it is going to get over not because I am pessimisitc but because I am practical ...I know to live every moment of life as it comes and have always done but while life keeps teaching me things I teach myself things about life and to Know ,to love and to part is the inevitable process of life who so ever and how so ever may it be.

I remember myself as a little gal with all the ifs and buts of all kids of my age...my developing temperament and parental control with my proliferating persona.Small things are the ones which you remember for ever.Its not the birthday which was celebrated with pomp and show which you remember but the cake that you helped mom to bake for you ....the so called first cake of your life is the touching moment.Tears roll of my eyes as I try to pen these thoughts for words can never be as touchy as feelings and moments have been .Every word is an identification of a feeling but cannot explain the feeling in totality.What makes me write the above words is as I remember my chidhood so does every one and so will my daughter.I want to fill all her such memories with joy which might sometime roll of for sure as tears from her eyes...not that I want her to cry ever which no mom would ever want but being rational when I say this we all cry one day or the other for things which filled our world and is mom not a very vital part of every Kid ...however far my Isha might go but I will always be there with her....with even my last breath I would want her to have all the joys of the world .Now I know what attachment means ..what twines us to this world ....we would all be dead without a hope.Life gives us hopes all the time ..first when we grow up we have a hope for ourself...and then we have hopes for our beloved ...we share hopes then ...and from then forever we share hopes as lovely couples ...now Isha being the greatest hope of my life ...Our LIFE....and what beautiful a joy to see with ur own eyes LIfe of your LIfe...grandchildren!!

A baby is the hope of a life ,not a life actually ..of many lives.....and Isha is the pole star for many.

Everyone thinks high of their child and wishes success and so do I but I also feel Isha has her own liberty to do what she feels would be good for her...for I know Isha would be lot smarter and decisive than me .She has to be virtuous that is one dream I dream of every day ...I wish she would read this post one day and be wise enough to understand the importance of being virtuous than being intelligent.

Leading a big life full of pomp and show is definitely a fortune but leading a peaceful life is more important and I wish her the same .Now with my old habit of digressing from the topic and becoming sentimental I have written so mcuh but let me pen down what I was here for .

The little joy of my life PART II

As I sit on my couch on this lonely afternoon watching the snowfall I wonder how many days have passed since I became a mom!! How come I suddenly turned into a brave , responsible and energetic mom from a timid girl .I no more display my girlish behaviour now that I know I have a girl to take care of.These past 4 months have been gigantically significant and happening for me .So many things flood my mind as I try to recall and write...I still remember how I had the first glimpse of Isha ...Small ,cute yet fragile Isha on the dispenser tray .....Oh good lord My 14 pound baby was only 6 pound and a 13 ounces then .I can neevr forget the first touch of hers ,the first cry and the first sight .On a tray like a salamender rolled my baby with creaky squeaky voice like that of a squirrel and I could not believe she was here making the proud declaration of her arrival......I was busy and occupied with the little princess and all the while though so many things happened I cud seldom find time to pen down all of it .Isha, as the doctor says has the biggest cheeks in the whole world,I was worried why Isha wud not eat and doctor said donot worry she has so much of fat in her big cheeks that she cud take in the whole winter withought eating.Mr Richard Pervos ,The doctor remembers Isha among his huge pratice and tiny patients .Every compliment from people makes me fill with joy and happiness as I am alone only God guiding me to raise this baby and who else's support do I need when God holds my hand.Isha is divine ,she is blessed the very birth of hers filled our life with joy .....It is a sense of completeness for a couple specially me and Raj feel so blessed to have ehr........Now Raj tries to find out cute little names for my lady but we named her as Isha which has a string twined to God in all the religion of the world .isha in Hinduism is supreme consciousness and word Ishwar is derived from isha .Isha is the 5th prayer salah in ISLAM and Isha means lord Jesus in Bangladesh and Mexico as well as ancient aramic language which is supposed to be the language of the Christ.I sha is a jolly baby not at all fussy very friendly .The sparks in her eyes are the best and Raj always looks into those honest simple sparkling eyes trying to figure out what color they are.He keeps changing his opinion about her eyes but I know ,I know right from her birth they are hazel.The eye lashes are reflections of her dad.With her eyes closed I see Raj in it .Isha has a chin exactly like mine and all her temperaments as of now matches mine.She is lovely friendly yet has a big attitude.She neevr forgets ......and most of all Isha loves food.She has started eating cereals, rice and oatmeal and also many veggies like beans carrots sweetpotato etc.Though she cannot eat potato at all as of now.Isha loves fruits puree....I always felt banana as a slimy not very interesting food to have but now I feel banana as the best thing in the world as she loves it ......she cud eat one whole banana puree at 5mon ths of age and still long for more.She smiles at her dad's words ......dusta ta re...............some phrases become so important in life ....you never understood their meaning and how lovely they r till they give meaning to your life....thats why they say every word is a pearl ........it is just that you have to gather all these pearls carefully and preserve it to count at the end of your life as to how many you had.She speaks ambiguous words making no sense yet the most sensible ones for us .She says ma from 2 months and now that shs is 5 she clearly calls mam mam .....and I so love it .Her hands are always busy and upto something .While tummy time she is more busy scratching the pillow rather than concentrating on anything else .There is this cute little monkey and the big flower which she learned to identify herself with as the first few objects of her life.I donot know with what objective GOd bestowed upon us the responsibilty to raise Isha but I shall do it with my utmost care and I have the confidence that I will be able to make it .Just thinking what wud Isha think if one day she happens to read these lines of mine written on this snowy evening of february the 7th 2008.I found sometime tio write these while she was having her famous 17mins nap nd now she is awake wide awake in my arms.Thoughts abt her to pen down are endless but holding her as she gets restless peeping into the computer it is difficult to continue any furthjer ......but Iwll come back again during one of her nap times......now I HAVE TO BE WITH THOSE BIG CHEEKS.{CONTD}

The little joy of my life

When I say LITTLE do not think it is indicating the quantity ...am trying to define the tiny little being in my life.........that's the bundle of joy in my life......ever since she is born I feel myself blessed and I know she is divine .......divine present from above.All mighty created all things bright and beautiful but the best of his creations are babies......a feeling unimaginable,a charm untouchable and an affection unthinkable.

God in his on way makes you realise the power he has bestowed within you wherein you can stand alone not only for you but even for someone else.Everything seems valueless and materialistic when you see this minute creation with your reflection in it .I believe God touches everyone once atleast and the generation of life within us confirms that .No one has the power to create a life yet we give birth to lively babies .........if not God then who touched them that they have lives!!So,next time you are depressed think of the fact that god put his hand on your baby so nothin can strike away that hand .........as usual am diverting from the channel and flow with which I wanted to write abt Isha and cute little thing s happening everyday .........will start with the day when she was born.......donot want the beautiful things happening every now and then to be forgotten and memory to rust and unable to recollect all these ..so what better then penning those.....................!!(contd)